Comparison Kills Your Confidence

Comparison is the kiss of death.

It will kill your confidence faster than anything else.

I remember when I first started working to launch my business, I would study what other people in my industry were doing. I read their posts, watched their videos and signed-up for their email newsletters.

I never considered myself to be the person who tried to keep up with my peers, but I realized in business that’s what I did. It wasn’t that I expected to be at the same level of success they were at immediately, but I wanted to be the expert in what I was talking about. 

I felt that in order for me to be successful, I needed to emulate their process. To come across as if I had it all together. To look perfect.

At worst, that kept from taking action. At best, I labored over everything I did. 

Of course time & experience has taught me differently.

Trying to emulate others and be seen as the expert was based on lacking confidence in myself.  It wasn’t that my experience was invalid, but it felt like it wasn’t enough since I was just starting my business. I discredited all of my life and corporate career experience- the very things that actually made me the “expert” from my own perspective. 

I have learned that I cannot compare myself to others' journeys because when I do, it will suck the life out of me. It’s totally normal to have doubts and insecurities, but here are ways to keep them at bay when it comes to the comparison game.

Consider what you are consuming and why

When you are searching the internet for business related information, what do you tend to search for? Are you mindlessly searching google for ideas or are you looking for specific information? Pretty pictures on Pinterest and Instagram can lead us down a rabbit hole and then we start comparing our work spaces, our own photos next to the 7-figure earner and then wondering why we don’t launch a membership site as well!

Being mindful of what you are searching for will keep you focused on the information you are seeking rather than being caught in the shiny object loop.  Which leads me to…

Stop scrolling

Spending endless hours scrolling through your social media feed will no doubt put you in a funk. It kills time that you could be productive and moving your own business forward. When you are scrolling what do you think happens? You are consuming content from other influencers, peers or friends instead of creating your own. You may wonder why you should even write a blog post or do that Facebook live because “it’s” already been talked about. Yes, it has. But not from your point of view and by your audience. Give yourself a time limit on how much time you’ll spend scrolling and get out of there! 

Celebrate the success of others

When someone shares a success they had, a goal they surpassed, a trip they took or a fancy new car they bought, how does it make you feel? Less than? Jealous? Maybe like you’ll never reach that level of success? 

If this happens, I invite you to do 2 things. First, get curious about why you feel the way you do. Maybe a negative feeling towards someone else’s success will bring to light what you aren’t doing. Are you procrastinating and spending more time scrolling then taking action? Perhaps you aren’t reaching out to ideal clients or seeking out speaking opportunities. Get curious about what is really underneath your feelings and you may be surprised to realize that it’s because you are not taking action, therefore not having the results you want.

Secondly, celebrate the shit out of the person’s success. Why? Because when you do you’ll move yourself into a higher energetic vibration which makes it easier to create from and attract clients. Plus-it’s just more fun to be happy. Reach out to that person and say “Congrats!”.

Befriend those you feel threatened by

My good friend and peer, Jessica Burrell, shared with me a few years ago her antidote to when she feels like someone is hijacking her work. She meets them for coffee or schedules a call to get to know them better. Typically she finds that there is no harm meant and she ends up with a new friend.

My takeaway is that at any time we can befriend the very people we see as competition. Some of my biz besties are business coaches- just like me. However, we all have different approaches and perspectives on supporting our clients. I regularly promote their work because I know what they offer is sometimes a better fit for some of my audience members. 

Have gratitude for those that have gone before you

It’s easy to look at successful coaches and entrepreneurs and compare ourselves. We can be intimidated by their success and their knowledge and feel like we don’t belong in the same category. If I have ever found myself in that position, I find myself having gratitude for the women (and men) that have gone before me because they have shown me what is possible. They have also shown me what it is like to show up as a powerful leader even amongst fear, failure and disappointments. To persevere and know that I am not going to die! And guess what, I know I am also that person for the women that I serve. And so are you when you take action. 

Go back to your story

One of the reasons I have my clients write out their story is because it helps to keep them anchored into why they are choosing to launch a coaching business. Being an entrepreneur is hard and there will be times when you question your decision to launch a business. Getting grounded in your story will support you in shutting down the comparison to another’s journey. Your specific life experience and how you overcame the very thing you want to support your client with is EXACTLY why you are the perfect person to help them. 

Create and ship

Last, but not least by any means, is to create whatever it is you want and send it out. So, whether it is a podcast episode, social media post or module for your upcoming program, get it out the door. Done is better than perfect. The faster you move, the better you get. The more impact you will make and the less time you have to compare your work to someone else's.

Next time you find yourself comparing your reality to someone else’s highlight reel, I invite you to focus out. Focus on the clients you can serve through your content and with your products/services. Above all else, be yourself. Cause when you do, it gives others permission to be themselves as well! 

Yours truly,

Val

Want to join a community of women who are also ready to launch and grow their coaching business? Join us over at the Facebook community, Coaches Who Thrive.